I'm not one to complain usually, I try to be optimistic about life. So before I begin I shall brief you that I've been having a very mysterious like Prostatis that medicine can barely suppress. Sometimes I feel fine but other times I pee lava, slowly, while crying....
So last night I stayed up, in fact I haven't slept at all. I was excited cause I got my first fiverr sell and was working on sharping my website and finishing the task for $5. My friend had been sending clips of the Joker from the movie, "The Dark Knight". Mostly the funny ones and some parodys. Thus at 6 am I've been laughing like maniac with my family thinking I'm nuts. My brother and mom get in some argument about the shower and then something involving my sister with Mental Disabilities. Unfortunately my friend send me a clip at the wrong time which made me laugh.
I knew it looked bad so I tried explaining but my mom was just super ticked off. As she argued more with my brother she walked all over my bed. My bed is a mat on the floor with blankets. She proceeds to kicking it out of the way as my brother is also walking on it. I'm emotionally hurt because every night I carefully lay everything on the floor to ensure things stay as neat and clean as possible.
I tried to talk about it but my mom ends up turning the tables telling I should get a job a find an apartment if I don't like the way I live here. I just honestly wanted some respect on the bed I sleep. My brother than proceeds to turning of the wifi as I'm editting my website and I end up standing up and pushing him away and I get in trouble. So then after my mom leaves the room my brother grabs a Twinkie and pops it on my desk. I got show it to my mom and I get in trouble?
My mom heads out a few mins later and my brother comes back, I confront him telling him that it isn't fair cause as of late he walks all over everyone in the family without getting in trouble. When I was younger Id get beat for such behavior. He then tells me, "The Twinkie was a test to prove to you that your mom doesn't care about you anymore."
It really sunk in cause as the the pass to weeks she hadn't really talked to me, the one time she did was to pressure my ex girlfriend and now i she doesn't come so I don't see my daughter, and now she sides with my brother knowing he's wrong.
I know I'm a failure at life but if I didn't have a gf honestly I think I'd kill myself.
The only thing I'd miss is not seeing animes, especially the on going ones. Also not finishing my manga.
Anyways this is like a diary to me but maybe someone out there might be a in almost similar situation? I wish I wasn't feeling sick so I can work and move but I can't live yet alone work the way the prostatis feels.
Anyways if you read this thank you.
I feel like writing it and storing it somewhere makes me feel a bit better.
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