(This Blog is going to be a reminder to me on why my life is garbage)
So I'm sitting in a couch today. Before I begin let me remind you that I woke up to my brother telling my dog, "Look Bibi, don't eat to much food so you don't get fat like my brother" (aka me). First of all he's always like this and I wasn't always fat, because there was a point in my life when I was very very skinny but it was because when you are a teenager sometimes your metabolism speeds up. So I never changed my eating habits and thus I did get kinda fat but I don't think I am extremely fat.
So back to the main point he comes to me and starts bothering me about some clothes in my room and I start calling him a ugly fucker cause he doesn't have a girlfriend, and I said this out of rage. He starts getting mad and tries pissing me off even more. So I grab my Xbox and take it away because I am tired of him using my shit and talking shit and walking all over me.
He then begins to start pulling it from me and so I punch him but not hard cause he is my brother and I don't want to hurt him. He punches me back much harder which pissed me off and I was about to beat the shit out of him but my mom got between us. It sort of makes me wonder what is she here to do? Watch me get bothered and punched but when I want to finally do something she always protects my little brother???? I swear my mom is the most useless person in this house.
Worst of all she defends him and says that the things that I had said were much harsher and that I punched him first but the problem is that I go through this nearly every day and yet my mom does nothing about this??!!! It ridiculous.
Sometimes I consider suicide after looking at my debt and my current situation but I can't pull myself to do it honestly. I feel like a coward cause honestly I am scared that it will fail and I will still be alive but like disabled or in a coma from what I read online. So what do I want to do? Well I want to right maybe enough bad things that happen in my life that maybe someday I can actually pull it off... that maybe someday it will be enough to actually let me kill myself.
Here are the current methods I am thinking about.
1. Over Dose on Tylenol and some sort of sleeping medicine so I die in my sleep
2. Jump of a cliff high enough to kill me in one blow
3. Get a gun and kill myself, like a shot to my head.
Anyways no one reads these so I'm not worried.
I'm just live my life the best I can... I'd give my life to get out of here... I'd give my life to be reborn in a white family with caring parents and a father who's there and who actually helps his son find a first job. I just wish I could've been born anything but a student ass ghetto fucking beaner mexican. I wish I was white and had a cool name like Kenneth or Ashen, but I don't. But maybe one day I can be happy... maybe one day n.n
When I'm reborn.
