Today isn't as bad

I'm at my aunts trying to distract myself from prostatis hopefully if I go out more it'll calm down.

At least there was wings and pizza. <3

Going to watch more anime and then finish my anime reviews.

I'm the root of their problems

So as you might know my parents wanted to go to Fresno and wanted to leave me at home. I have what I believe is Chronic Prostatis so it was acting up real bad this morning.

I couldn't get up and thus parents thought I was just kicking it in bed not want to do anything. So one argument lead to the next and at the end it lead to my parents arguing about how I'm lazy and don't want a job.

I honestly wish I can get a doctor to come and explain it to them but they expect me to live with it and tell me, hey at least it's not cancer. What kind of comparison is that?

Anyways today is being a real shitty day. I hate the weekends so bad. Since they were originally going to be gone this weekend I was thinking about inviting friends over secretly and gaming all night to get my mind off my Prostatis. Oh well, thus is my life which equals shit.

Last night it burned, this morning it burned, why god? Universe?

So every day is a struggle what I think is prostatis goes up and down. When it acts up pee takes forever to come out while burning me inside, pressure in pelvic area and UTI like symptoms. 

It sucks so bad I've down about smashing my thing between a door or cutting it off. Worst of all the people you are suppose to depend on like family are literally the last people you can trust.

Making matters worst my prostatis hurts more when I'm sitting so they expect me to drive for 30-40 mins? Telling me I have to live like this? Seriously family = useless 

I hope the urologist clears this up so I can live normal and just get a job, move out and live on my own. I just want to live normally again.

Sometimes what's the point in dreams? Adblock killed them and is killing the internet

I sit here managing my dreams on a shoe string.
I run The Gamer Plus Network and we get not as many hits as I like, definitely not enough to live off. Mainly cause adblock, I see thousands of Page Visits a day but my adsense records only like 50-100. If everyone just stopped adblocking my account I could live off my dreams or at least eat food. It just goes to show that people are mainly interested in what you offer looking over if maybe I need to FUCKING LIVE!

\Its frustrating, sometimes you put so much on something and the escalation is so minimal that you think... why'd I try in the first place. Kinda sucks alot.

I managed Gamer Plus for a total of 2 years of hardwork to get to 20k-50k views a month but only 500-1k registered ad views. Really blows because I'm here digging information for a bunch of freeloaders in a sense.

I have talked it over with the Team at Gamer Plus which btw is me running everything YouTube videos, Gaming News updates (3-5 posts a day), Facebook update, twitter update. Every time I post a news on the blog I have to post it everywhere else and edit the HTML on our website. So its literally like this.

Research = (10 mins)
Post a news on blog. (15 mins)
Post on Twitter. = (5 mins)
Post on Facebook.= (5 mins)
Edit website. (25 mins)

Total of 50-60 mins. for 1 person, if I had more people like 1 does research & writes blog, 1 posts on social sites, 1 edits website. We could update everything and sent out news every 20-25 mins. Now let's compare using max times.

60 mins x 5 post = 300 mins. aka 5 hours of non stop work.
25 mins x 5 post = 120 mins roughly 2 hours of non stop work.

Now let's quickly show my life since Gamer Plus.

Wake up at 10 am
Eat and Get Ready by 12 pm
Start Work at Gamer Plus until 2:30 pm
Eat and relax until 3:30 pm
Start second shift until 6:00 pm
Task complete: 5 posts max.

Job 2 begins - YouTube
Write ideas and topics for next video until 7:00 pm
Record some audio for video until 8:00 pm
Eat dinner and take a small break til 9:00 pm

Job 3 begins - Website Maintenance
I look over and ensure no errors are found because when I post I do so in a hurry I quickly look over to ensure that no errors are made. If I encounter an error earlier in the day I have to reupload an old existing site version and start fixing which can affect my schedule and waste time. I keep clean code so I don't encounter issues that I will regret.

Read site code until 10:00 pm
[If error found work on fixing until at least 11:00pm]

Occasional Job 4 - Edit a video for YouTube -
I make high quality video at 2k editing on Sony Vegas makes work slightly better and faster. I add animations, edit audio, find music for background, etc. and the process can take 2-5 hours which doesn't include rendering and uploading. I never want to hurry and rush my video to the point that I make sloppy work so I ensure that everything is nice and perfect. I then Render at 2K which takes not that long since my computer is a Dell Precision m6700 with an Nvidia K4000m with 4gbs dedicated ram. All that means is that it is built for rendering so a 2k video is done in roughly 15-25 mins. The reason why I use 2k is because if I upload a 1080p video on YouTube it will reencode and reprocess it to its websites standards on YouTube which is ip7. This process will rerender the video and lose some quality, so doing 2k will render it down to 1080p at worst so the odds fair better for me and audience which I have nearly none of.

I will talk about life as a YouTube nobody soon in a video.

Point is either I work all day for 3-5 posts a day or make a video on YouTube.
It makes me almost cry cause I see the active visits on my analytics but the registered ad views are so low that I can't make more than 10 cents a day if im lucky. Sometimes Reddit or Google spot me one and I get a spike which earns me crazy amount of page visits like once I got 8,000 on one post thanks to Reddit and Co-Optional Podcast (Seriously thanks guys!). I was so happy and guess how many registered ad views? 253. I felt my heart drop so low and got real depressed because my "Big Hit" was only $1.00, and I said well maybe now I'll have a steady growth... Nope I became a dead fish and was thrown back into the bucket, I was back to the same spot getting 500-1k page views and only like 20-40 registered ad views.

What makes me sad the most is that I know people are effin viewing my stuff but adblock is killing me so harshly. My dreams are being killed by one guy who before I tried to make it, I praised. Now I turn off adblock to support other people cause now I know. So why did I post this? Cause I'm nearly broke as bricks, lost respect of family, and want to pursue my other passions which are Making Manga and Game Designing.

So I leave at this, if by June 20th nothing changes I'm retiring Gamer Plus... forever or if I became rich and could fund a whole team to help me. Why did I start Gamer Plus? I just wanted to bring gaming news that wasn't rigged by companies paying IGN for good ratings. I wanted to do community voted reviews on games by introducing a new factor which was voting on quality of games from different genre players.

The way my idea would work is if you like FPS games and tried like Super Smash Bros. then people who think alike to you who voted on game reviews would give a better representation on what you may think of the game, Because of similar taste. It would provide people with different taste a different rating and review of a game. I didn't even get far enough to review anything.

So will my YouTube be gone?
Not completely.... I will still state my opinions on the YouTube channel but thats the only extension of Gamer Plus. Another Conquest (my youtube show) will go on because my videos have brought me more than gamer plus's other sides. I've also reached more people and brought entertainment to them. Everything else will disappear and I'll focus more on my Anime video review show as well 8bitotaku since that is also getting views and an audience.

Feel bad for me?
Its okay don't. Its my fault for not being good enough to bring a respectable audience. I get mainly new visitors and hardly returning users. If you wanna help me out simply just disable adsense so other top people like JonTron, PBG, Normal Boots, etc. don't meet the same fate I did. Sure my dreams never came true but I tried, but please don't kill the dreams of existing people.


my sites
www.gamerplusnetwork.com
www.youtube.com/otaku8bit
www.youtube.com/gamerplusnews
www.chocobento.tk  <-- My art

Morning Son! Let me walk on your bed and kick your blanket...

I'm not one to complain usually, I try to be optimistic about life. So before I begin I shall brief you that I've been having a very mysterious like Prostatis that medicine can barely suppress. Sometimes I feel fine but other times I pee lava, slowly, while crying....

So last night I stayed up, in fact I haven't slept at all. I was excited cause I got my first fiverr sell and was working on sharping my website and finishing the task for $5. My friend had been sending clips of the Joker from the movie, "The Dark Knight". Mostly the funny ones and some parodys. Thus at 6 am I've been laughing like maniac with my family thinking I'm nuts. My brother and mom get in some argument about the shower and then something involving my sister with Mental Disabilities. Unfortunately my friend send me a clip at the wrong time which made me laugh.

I knew it looked bad so I tried explaining but my mom was just super ticked off. As she argued more with my brother she walked all over my bed. My bed is a mat on the floor with blankets. She proceeds to kicking it out of the way as my brother is also walking on it. I'm emotionally hurt because every night I carefully lay everything on the floor to ensure things stay as neat and clean as possible. 

I tried to talk about it but my mom ends up turning the tables telling I should get a job a find an apartment if I don't like the way I live here. I just honestly wanted some respect on the bed I sleep. My brother than proceeds to turning of the wifi as I'm editting my website and I end up standing up and pushing him away and I get in trouble. So then after my mom leaves the room my brother grabs a Twinkie and pops it on my desk. I got show it to my mom and I get in trouble?

My mom heads out a few mins later and my brother comes back, I confront him telling him that it isn't fair cause as of late he walks all over everyone in the family without getting in trouble. When I was younger Id get beat for such behavior. He then tells me, "The Twinkie was a test to prove to you that your mom doesn't care about you anymore."

It really sunk in cause as the the pass to weeks she hadn't really talked to me, the one time she did was to pressure my ex girlfriend and now i she doesn't come so I don't see my daughter, and now she sides with my brother knowing he's wrong.

I know I'm a failure at life but if I didn't have a gf honestly I think I'd kill myself.

The only thing I'd miss is not seeing animes, especially the on going ones. Also not finishing my manga.

Anyways this is like a diary to me but maybe someone out there might be a in almost similar situation? I wish I wasn't feeling sick so I can work and move but I can't live yet alone work the way the prostatis feels.

Anyways if you read this thank you.

I feel like writing it and storing it somewhere makes me feel a bit better.